Date:	2005-10-08 20:16
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative
Music:	India Arie - Ready For Love

I always found that once I speak to someone about it, they give me a different point of view on the situation and I feel extremely relieved. I can be very paranoid at times but usually have sorted myself out by the next day. If I haven't it just means the problem runs deeper that I'm aware of.

I had another training shift today for about 3 hours. I'm getting a tad annoyed with all this training without pay. I agreed to it because I want the experience so in future I can ditch them and work with another similar company closer to where I live.

This song always makes me think about that part of my life. It's so sweet that it makes me a little teary. I don't know what I want these days. Sometimes I wish I had a significant other so I can share that 'love'. At other times I feel irritated at the thought of being smothered. I guess in my heart, I want someone to look out for me. Evan was a really bad choice. I think he's cute but his not what I really want. It would be nice to have a boyfriend who is also your best friend... someone you can talk to anytime you want without having to guard what you say. Best friends mean the world to me but at times I feel frustrated when they are taken awayand aren't that accessible anymore.

Just a phone call away...
This would be nice if it were true. They are a phone call away but it doesn't necessarily mean that they can talk to you then and there. We all have our lives outside our social lives which we need to maintain as well. Hmmm...

*closes eyes* *reminscinces*

Date:	2005-10-04 23:43
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	Yamamoto Ryohei - Moon Sexy

It's been so hectic. My head is spinning and definately not in a good way. Meh.

I'm currently in training at my new job but don't officially start till next Thursday.

Two jobs. Who me? Yes you. No it couldn't be. So who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

Date:	2005-10-01 22:22
Subject:	Semi-mid-spring cleaning ;P
Security:	Public
Mood:	bouncy
Music:	Brandy & Monica - The Boy is Mine (Remix)

I spent most of the day cleaning my room. Haha, it used to be that I would fill a big black garbage bag with paper but I barely fill half a shopping bag nowadays. I don't hoard stuff anymore.

It feel refreshing to throw out things. It gives you the feeling that it's a new start to this period of time for me.

The only thing left to do is sort out my important documents. I have like 3 folders and some documents are just floating around in random books and planners. Haha, better get them fixed up! *YOSH*

Date:	2005-10-01 12:00
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	determined
Music:	Craig David - Take Em' Off

Only 29 days till I'm 20. I still haven't gotten my wish, it looks like it won't ever happen. :(

Life goes on I suppose.

I made a Mars Bar Cheesecake, and sushi yesterday. Today I'm to make lunch. I've been addicted to cooking lately.

I've to do 100 hours of JST for Centrelink in the next three weeks. It's screwing up my timetable. Arg but it'll be good I suppose.

Date:	2005-09-30 23:47
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused
Music:	Backstreet Boys - Everybody

I've sworn that I won't be crushing over no guys anymore.

There is one guy that I think is super cute. Is named the name that I've always associated with people I hated in the past. You're not suppose to judge a person by their cover or in this case name but I've always had suck luck when it came to this name. It doesn't stop me from watching him under my eyes. *sweatdrop*

Haha, maybe I've just had a way long day.

Date:	2005-09-28 22:49
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	content
Music:	Craig David - Take Em Off

Today I just came to a realisation that it is me that is making myself upset. Noone hates me, I'm just digging my own hole. I guess it's hard when you don't see or hear from anybody for so long.

I've been watching quite a fair bit of tellie lately. I watched H&A, Jamie Oliver, House (which I LOVE!!), and The Biggest Loser. I only like the last three shows. Hmm...

Jamie Oliver inspires me to go cook. He makes it look so easy if you approach it with an open mind. Same with The Biggest Loser. They inspire me to try harder in changing my lifestyle.

Date:	2005-09-27 23:45
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad
Music:	Thirsty Merc - Someday, Someday

'Amazing how time flies when one is having fun' - Professor Lockhart

I haven't really spoken to anyone lately. I've just been one brooding mess. Some things are going well and some aren't. I'm upset with friends because it feels like that I'm being left out but in reality I know that I've been alienating myself away from them. It's my fault, so I can't be upset with them.

I haven't spoken to Fi in a whole week online or off. I'm just mad at her really. I don't really want to go to Al's birthday because I'll just brood the whole way. I hardly ever talk to Janet. Jo is pissing me off again. Some people don't really talk to me unless they want something from me. In general, I feel used. My expiry date has long gone and no-one cares. No-one has even called or messaged me to ask if I was okay. It's the fact that they think I'm just having my periods of time where I'm moody. Sure, it might be that but I suppose you would check up on me if you cared. Fuck you.

I care about other people way too much and I get fucked over in the end. I just won't care anymore then. I'll find other things to occupy me. I've been emerging myself in fiction, food and television. I can't remember ever watching this much tellie since maybe early high school. Something is wrong and I'm just letting it manifest without trying to fix it. In fact, I don't really want to fix it. I want to punish them. The fact that I want to do so tells me that our relationship has changed significantly.

I want to run away. I want to become a full fledged loner. If I don't know any better, I'll survive right?

Maybe it is me, and I'm having those off days except it's been a months...